Venerable newscaster Norm Archer reports the latest news in politics, health, culture and entertainment - such as an automotive recall of decapitation-inducing "Neckbelts" and a study finding that "depression hits losers hardest". This compilation of bogus news stories, celebrity profiles, movie trailers and skits come courtesy of the ace satirists at The Onion.
05-31-2008
1h 20m
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Main Cast
Movie Details
Production Info
Directors:
Tom Kuntz, Mike Maguire
Writers:
Robert D. Siegel, Todd Hanson
Production:
The Onion
Key Crew
Producer:
David Miner
Producer:
Gil Netter
Co-Producer:
Kevin Halloran
Producer:
Michael Rotenberg
Producer:
David Zucker
Locations and Languages
Country:
US
Filming:
US
Languages:
en
Main Cast
Len Cariou
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
Leonard Joseph “Len” Cariou (born September 30, 1939) is a Canadian actor, best known for his portrayal of Sweeney Todd in the original cast of Sweeney Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street. He currently plays the patriarch in the multi-generational television series Blue Bloods on CBS.
Steven Seagal is an American action film star, producer, writer, martial artist, guitarist, and a reserve deputy sheriff.
A 7th-dan black belt in Aikido, he began his adult life as an Aikido instructor in Japan. He became the first foreigner to operate an Aikido Dojo in Japan. He later moved to the Los Angeles, California, area where he made his film debut in 1988 in Above the Law. By 1991, he had starred in three successful films, and would go on to achieve greater fame in Under Siege (1992), where he played Navy SEALs counter-terrorist expert Casey Ryback.
However, his image became tarnished when both On Deadly Ground (1994, which he directed) and Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995) did poorly in theaters. During the later half of the 90s, he starred in three more theatrical films and a direct-to-video The Patriot. Aside from Exit Wounds (2001) and Half Past Dead (2002), his career shifted almost entirely to direct-to-video films (often low budget productions and shot in Europe or Asia). Between 1998 to 2009, he appeared in a total of 22 of these. At the age of 59, he finally returned to the big screen as Torrez in the 2010 film Machete.
He is also a recording artist and guitarist and the founder of Steven Seagal Enterprises. In addition to his professional achievements, he is also known as an environmentalist, an animal rights activist and a supporter of the 14th Dalai Lama Tenzin Gyatso, and the Tibetan independence movement.
Larissa Laskin was born as Larissa Annastasia Lapchinski. She is an actress, known for The Onion Movie (2008), John Q (2002) and Extreme Measures (1996). She has been married to Currie Graham since March 2005. They have one child.
Don McManus was born on November 8, 1959 in San Diego, California, USA. He is an actor, known for Vice (2018), Sorry for Your Loss (2018) and Mom (2013).
Michael Bolotin, known professionally as Michael Bolton, is an American singer and songwriter. Bolton originally performed in the hard rock and heavy metal genres from the mid-1970s to the mid-1980s, both on his early solo albums and those he recorded as the frontman of the band Blackjack.
He has sold more than 75 million records, and recorded eight top 10 albums and two number-one singles on the Billboard charts, as well as winning six American Music Awards and two Grammy Awards.
He was married to Maureen McGuire from 1975 to 1990. They are the parents of three daughters. He was introduced to actress Nicollette Sheridan in 1992 by saxophonist Kenny G. He and Sheridan dated until 1995, stopped dating, then reunited in 2005 and became engaged in March 2006; however, it was confirmed in August 2008 that they had broken off their engagement.
Daniel Dae Kim (born August 4, 1968) is a South Korean-American actor, best known for his roles as Chin Ho Kelly in Hawaii Five-0 and Jin-Soo Kwon in Lost.
Description above from the Wikipedia article Daniel Dae Kim, licensed under CC-BY-SA, full list of contributors on Wikipedia.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
Meredith Baxter (born June 21, 1947), also known for some years as Meredith Baxter-Birney, is an American actress and producer. She is known for her acting roles including three television series: Family (1976–1980), an ABC television-network drama, Family Ties (1982–1989), an NBC television-network situation comedy, and Dan Vs. (2011-present), a situation comedy on The Hub television-network.
Description above from the Wikipedia article Meredith Baxter, licensed under CC-BY-SA, full list of contributors on Wikipedia.
Jed Rees (born March 8, 1970) is a Canadian actor, best known for his roles in movies such as Galaxy Quest (1999), The Ringer (2005), Deadpool (2016), and American Made (2017).
Jack Roy (born Jacob Rodney Cohen; November 22, 1921 – October 5, 2004), better known by the pseudonym Rodney Dangerfield, was an American stand-up comedian, actor, screenwriter, and producer. He was known for his self-deprecating one-liner humor, his catchphrase "I don't get no respect!" and his monologues on that theme.
He began his career working as a stand-up comic at the Fantasy Lounge in New York City. His act grew in popularity as he became a mainstay on late-night talk shows throughout the 1960s and 1970s, eventually developing into a headlining act on the Las Vegas casino circuit. His catchphrase "I don't get no respect!" came from an attempt to improve one of his stand-up jokes. "I played hide and seek; they wouldn't even look for me." He thought the joke would be stronger if it used the format: "I was so ..." beginning ("I was so poor," "He was so ugly," "She was so stupid," etc.).[clarification needed] He tried "I get no respect," and got a much better response from the audience; it became a permanent feature of his act and comedic persona.
He appeared in a few bit parts in films, such as The Projectionist, throughout the 1970s, but his breakout film role came in 1980 as a boorish nouveau riche golfer in the ensemble comedy Caddyshack, which was followed by two additional successful films in which he starred: 1983's Easy Money and 1986's Back to School. Additional film work kept him busy through the rest of his life, mostly in comedies, but with a rare dramatic role in 1994's Natural Born Killers as an abusive father. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Barbara Pilavin was born on September 27, 1923. She was an actress, known for A League of Their Own (1992), 10 to Midnight (1983) and Constantine (2005). She died on January 2, 2005 in West Hollywood, California, USA.
Erik Stolhanske (born August 23, 1968) is an American actor, writer, and producer, and one of the members of the Broken Lizard comedy group. He graduated from Breck School, then Colgate University. At Colgate he was part of the troupe Charred Goosebeak, which included the others of Broken Lizard.
He is a member of Beta Theta Pi at Colgate University.
Description above from the Wikipedia article Erik Stolhanske, licensed under CC-BY-SA, full list of contributors on Wikipedia.
Richard Ronald Fancy (born August 2, 1943) is an American actor and comedian known for his long recurring role on Seinfeld as publisher Mr. Lippman, Elaine Benes's employer. (wikipedia)
Alex Solowitz (born December 15, 1979) is an American actor, known for being part of 2gether, a fictional boy band portrayed in a movie and TV series of the same name. He had a recurring role on Veronica Mars and guest-starred on many other television shows, including Everybody Loves Raymond, Just Shoot Me!, ER, Cousin Skeeter, Last Man Standing, 911, and The Rookie. As for movies, Solowitz appeared in Garden in The Night, Never Been Kissed and Alpha Dog, among other.
Gauge was born in Arkansas in 1980. She originally got into the adult-film business in 2000 to help pay her way through school. At the beginning of her career she worked mostly with her fiancé, Mojo, in "amateur" porn, then made several appearances in Ed Powers' "Dirty Debutantes" pro/am series before going into "mainstream" porn. They broke up in 2001, but still appeared together professionally. After having appeared in about 140 movies, Gauge left the pornographic film industry in 2005 due to a contract dispute with her management company.
She almost died of alcohol poisoning in an Arkansas strip club in April of 2005. Her blood alcohol level was reported at being 0.4--far above .08, which is legally considered as being intoxicated.
Known For
Robert Hoffman
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
Robert James Hoffman III (born September 21, 1980) is an American actor, dancer and choreographer.
Description above from the Wikipedia article Robert Hoffman (actor), licensed under CC-BY-SA, full list of contributors on Wikipedia.
Joel Edward McHale (born November 20, 1971) is an American stand-up comedian, actor, writer, television producer, television personality, and voice artist. He is best known for hosting The Soup and for his role as Jeff Winger on Community.
He voiced Elliot in Open Season 2, filling in for Ashton Kutcher. He also appeared in Spider-Man 2 in a cameo appearance as bank manager Mr. Jacks, CSI: Miami as Greg Welsh, and Spy Kids 4: All the Time in the World as Wilbur.
Harry Shum Jr. (born April 28, 1982) is a Costa Rican-American actor, singer, dancer, and choreographer. He is best known for his roles as Mike Chang on the Fox television series Glee (2009–15) and as Magnus Bane on the Freeform television series Shadowhunters (2016–19). He was nominated for four Screen Actors Guild Awards for his performance in Glee, winning once. He won the award for The Male TV Star of 2018 in the E! People's Choice Awards for Shadowhunters.
Shum has appeared in the films Step Up 2: The Streets (2008), Step Up 3D (2010), White Frog (2012), Revenge of the Green Dragons (2014), Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny (2016), Crazy Rich Asians (2018), the Hulu web series The Legion of Extraordinary Dancers (2010–2011) and the YouTube Originals series Single by 30 (2016). In 2020, he starred in Universal's romantic drama All My Life.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
Height 5' 8" (1,73 m)
Marshall Manesh (born August 16, 1950) is an Iranian/American actor. He was born in Mashhad, Iran.
Gregory Michael Cipes (born January 4, 1980) is an American voice and film actor. He is also a singer, musician, composer, and professional surfer.
Description above from the Wikipedia article Greg Cipes, licensed under CC-BY-SA, full list of contributors on Wikipedia.
Jim Rash was born in Charlotte, North Carolina and is an American actor, comedian and screenwriter.
His most noticeable appearance was when he portrayed Mr Grayson/Stitches, a sidekick to the supervillain 'Royal Pain' in the 2005 film Sky High and as the recurring characters Fenton on That '70s Show and "Andrew the Whore House Guy" on Reno 911!. He also guest starred in the last episode of Friends, and played the role of Head T.A. Philip in Slackers. Rash also had a recurring role in Community as Dean Pelton, later becoming a main character beginning with season three. Rash and comedy partner Nat Faxon have recently moved into screenwriting.
Paul Christian Scheer was born in Huntington, New York, on January 31, 1976. He attended St. Anthony's High School in Huntington, and then went on to study communication and education at New York University.
After graduating from NYU, Scheer began his comedy career with the Upright Citizens Brigade, a sketch comedy troupe based in New York City. He also began appearing in television and film roles, including a recurring role on the MTV sketch comedy series Human Giant.
In 2009, Scheer co-created and starred in the Adult Swim comedy series NTSF:SD:SUV::. The show ran for three seasons and was a critical and commercial success. Scheer also co-created and starred in the FX/FXX comedy series The League, which ran for seven seasons.
In addition to his television work, Scheer has also had a successful film career. He has appeared in films such as The Hangover, The Disaster Artist, and The Lego Movie 2. He is also a co-host of the popular podcast How Did This Get Made?, which discusses bad movies.
Scheer is married to actress June Diane Raphael, and they have two sons. He is a frequent collaborator with his wife and longtime friend Jason Mantzoukas.
Scheer is 5 feet 10 inches (1.78 meters) tall.
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
Gedde Watanabe (born Gary Watanabe, June 26, 1955, Ogden, Utah) is an American theatre, film, and television actor.
He was in several dramatic productions in high school, both acting and singing. After graduation, Watanabe left Ogden for San Francisco, where he hoped to make his living as a street musician while honing his acting skills.
Description above from the Wikipedia article Gedde Watanabe, licensed under CC-BY-SA, full list of contributors on Wikipedia
